Day Three of the 2014 edition of the Club Champs was dominated by three fantastic comebacks.
Young Ross Mazzzzzzz found himself two-nil down to third-team-mate Nick ‘no lets’ Thornton in a match that featured plenty of aggressive hitting and determined running but was somewhat lacking in the subtlety department. Mazzzzzz pulled himself together to take the next three games and, as is his wont, retired immediately to the bar.
“I could hear the Foster’s calling, but I was determined to make amends for those first two games first,” admitted Mazzzzzz. “If I want to mane the first team next season – and I do – I have to be winning games like that.”
Mazzzzzz senior was on the wrong end of a comeback from Tommy F Mulligan in the almost-past-it age group quarter-finals. “I thought I wasin trouble for a while,” admitted tommy, ” but when Tim farted in the corridor after the second game I realised what was wrong.
“I know some people think my habit of farting on court is offputting, but to me it’s a sign of healthy living and vitality. I’d gone two games without a single fart and the effect was obvious. So I started farting from the first point of the third and I was soon back to my normal self.
“Tim pulled a couple of funny faces, and collapsed into the back corners gasping a few times, but I think he appreciated my renewed vigour and he was fairly gracious at the end.”
The biggest shock came in the afternoon, when red-hot favourite for the old buggers’ event Dave Super Sundin failed to capitalise on a two-game advantage against Dave IceCool Rowland.
“I was cruising to my expected victory,” Sundin related afterwards, “I’d run him ragged inthose fiorst two games and really though he was about to concede at any time, he looked on the verge of a heart attack the poor old thing.
“But he disappeared for what must have been half an hour, and I was frantically searching the club for and official to declare the match over. I had a shower, my customary seven pints, and then he turns up again bright as a sixpence and says ‘come one then, let;s get this finished.’
“It seemed churlish to refuse, since It was only liable to take me a few minutes to finish him off, but he was like greased lightning on there, there was nothing I could do as he took three games in a row to destroy my dreams.
“I’m not saying he did anything untoward, but a little birdie told me that his missing half-hour had been spent in the dispensing department of Rake Lane hospital, and there were a couple of dodgy looking needles and bottles outside the court.
“All credit to him though for a fighting comeback, I hope he chokes on it and I’ll see you all on Jarrow High Street on Sunday morning.”
Action continues on Thursday with the A event quarter-finals, and more …