After avoiding each other for the whole Sunday Premier League season, there was no hiding place left for the Millingtons this evening as Gill and Sean Millington met in a Premiership decider.
The crowd for this much-anticipated clash had already dispersed to the doubles courts, leaving it to stand-in barmaster Robbo to witness the most important match in the history of the … Sunday Premier League.
Sean, 20, took a few jibes in the changing room in good humour. “It’s a real Diy-lemma,” said Jumping Jim, “do you beat your mum and forfeit your supper, or do you let her win and lose possibly your best chance at becoming Premier League Champion.”
“The only dilemma is how many points I let her have,” retorted a confident Sean as he left for his moment of destiny.
Meanwhile Gill, 21, prepared calmly, knowing that her progeny had formerly failed against female opposition earlier in the campaign, but privately suspecting that the +6 to -12 (to 15) handicap might put the odds in favour of the youngster.
Reports of the match are in short suply, but suffice to say that Sean’s record against “the wimmen” went further into deficit as Gill triumphed 3-2.
Back in the changing room Sean wasn’t unduly concerned. “I’m still the champion,” he beamed, “I think she had to win 3-0.”
Oh, the confidence and the gullibility of youth. “I wouldn’t be so confident,” said a wise old voice as Sean exited, “they’ll find a way …”
And find a way they did. With too many unplayed matches, old Walshy was retired from the competition and his results expunged from the table, putting Gill at the top of the tree. Of course Sean didn’t know this, not until all the players were assembled in the bar allowing Tim Mazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz to call a hush as he declared the new champion.
“Ladeezzzzzzzz and Gennelmen, we have a NEWWWWWWWWWWWWW Premier League Champion. I give you ……………… GILLY MILLY.”
Well, you should have seen Sean’s face. He took it well, in the end, after Tim had explained it a few times, and Gill didn’t gloat, well not too much anyway.
“I’m gutted,” said Sean. “I thought I had it all under control, and was looking forward to holding that trophy. It’s the only thing I’ve ever won – or thought I’d won anyway – I just hope Mum doesn’t put the trophy anywhere too prominent in the house, it will be just too painful to see it every day and remember this moment …”
So there you have it, all hail the new champion Gilly Milly – but watch out next season, we’ll all be after you!